Plans fail…

At the beginning of this summer, I had all these plans. I had planned on blogging every day. This has obviously not occurred. I planned on tanning every day, or at least soaking up a few rays. It’s rained or been cloudy almost every day. I planned on getting my life together so I could focus on my future. I really need to come to terms with the fact that I will NEVER have my life together no matter how hard I try.

Life is hard, life is crazy. Planning is practically useless.

Lesson to be learned? Live in the moment, and be okay with it. Realize there is nothing wrong with not having a clue what you are doing in anything you pursue, because even those who appear to have it together are faking it. This world is rapidly changing at a crazy pace. Enjoy the ride and just go with it.

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No fear for the future, but I’m terrified…

So Nick asked me out this weekend. There’s potential for dates in the future. Real dates. Not just weekend hanging out with friends. 

There was also an awkward slip in about me still tolerating him 30 years from now (Tolerating is what I use to say I like you). 30 years from now… Well thats a rather long time, and a statement that I probably would have freaked out an run from that kind of committal idea. But it was oddly comforting… Like I wasn’t weirded out at all. 

My ex used to mention being together a few months into the future and it made me baby barf. But this is 30 years into the future and it didn’t make me feel weird at all. The thoughts that make me want to puke? This summer. 3 months apart. My birthday being home away from him and my other friends here. When he gets his own place and doesn’t need to get away from home if he’ll stop coming to visit on a random week night. Saying or doing something that might scare him away. After graduation life. Those are the things that terrify me. 

The other morning was absolute perfection, and if I could wake up that way every day, I’d be extremely content with my life. 

You know when you’re life is like a movie you never want to stop watching. I think I’m there.