So this past weekend things with S and I kind of ended. Not completely, and not in a bad way, but we’re just friends now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, he didn’t know what he wanted. Quite frankly neither did I. But I’m glad I confronted him when I did, because who knows how long the both of us would have just floated through doing whatever we were doing. I stood up, I used my voice, and I realized that I don’t have to live in limbo. You’re allowed to ask for answers, even if you don’t like the answer.
You kind of forget how messed up other people are by their pasts, and even if you’ve gotten over yours, not everyone has gotten over theirs. S’s hard times are a little more recent than mine. I’ve had my time to grow and be all I’ve wanted to be for myself. S hasn’t. And I want that for him, because I do care about him even as a friend. We became close over the month that we’ve known each other. Talking every night until we fell asleep. Spending all of our weekends together.
I’ve always said you get to know someone best during your college years because you’re all in such close quarters that you kind of have no choice. But it also opens your mind, reminds you that everyone has a story. Everyone has more than the smile you see on their face as you pass on the street. You don’t know just what someone is going through until you live with them. And for a while thats basically what we were doing.
I’ve always been one to let the universe figure out the big things for me. I can sweat the small stuff, but when it comes to the path I’m supposed to be walking, the universe has always had a way of bringing me right where I needed to be. That sounds cliche, but when I think about everything I have that has made me the happiest in life, those things have kind of just appeared without me ever really trying. So I’m letting the universe take the wheel and figure things out for a bit. And maybe some day at the right place in the right time, it will all work out. Until then? Que sera sera. It is what it is.
The Art of Being Twenty Something 