I’ve always been told, “don’t stay in a relationship unless you are blissfully happy”. Now if I had listened to this, I would have avoided a ton of horrible situations, and wasted far fewer tears. But now I’ve found people who do take this advice, yet the still end up hurt, heartbroken, and crying to me – which I find amusing considering my dreadful relationship track record.
Within the past month, two of my friends who were in the definition of blissfully happy relationships have had said relationships fall into complete shambles. Fantastic right? I keep trying to search for all of these things to tell them and I’m totally coming up blank every time. What do you tell a person who went from being perfectly happy to a mess of smudged mascara. And somehow, they always come to me for advice. The two-actual-relationship pony with not a clue in the world as to how relationships do or should function. So I started to think, maybe they’re not looking for advice on their relationship with other people, but their relationship with themselves.
Think about it; when you’re young and you start dating for the first time, what is your motive? Is it always because of the other person, their qualities, seeing your entire lives together? Or is it how they make you feel? How you feel from the attention your relationship gets? You feel wanted, desired, and loved when in reality it’s a lot about status. You’re cool if you have a boyfriend, you’re weird if you don’t. Like being single means you have no friends and you’re lonely. I know some people in relationships that are the loneliest people I’ve ever met. I haven’t been in a relationship in two years and I have never felt so loved. Now it makes sense why people come to me. The relationship drama doesn’t stem from the relationship itself, it stems from something completely different.
Someone once asked me if I was in a relationship and upon my reply of no, they asked if it was a choice or something in the most pitying tone of all time (FYI I have come to adore this person since). First of all, this is an extremely offensive question because it makes it seem like you have to be with someone in order to be…normal. Not just to be someone, but to be average at best.
Well I’m here to say that I don’t need someone in my life to be above average. I have overcome so many insecurities and obstacles to become the person I am today, and I have never been more confident in who I am. I’ve never had so many friends that care about me so much in my entire life. I’ll admit it, I was weird in high school, and those were the years where I actually had a relationship. I was insecure, I had no self confidence, I was depressed, and lonely no matter what kind of relationship I was in.
So maybe the reason everyone comes to me is because they want this, the life I have. They’re just looking for it in all the wrong places. Confidence does not come from others. It stems from ourselves and the way we look out on life. You are responsible for your own happiness and you have to live with you. So before you go looking to someone else for happiness, try finding it in yourself. You are spectacularly you, flaws, mistakes, and insecurities included, so be wonderfully confident in that.