It’s so cute I want to gag

How was your friday evening?

Went to ice cream with my parents hahaaa

That sounds exhilerating. So do you miss the oxbox yet?

Quite a bit actually

Well I am excited for you to get back as well, we are getting close to my monthly visit time

Awww do you miss me? And technically you skipped december, therefore you have some making up to do

I neither agree or disagree with that statement and you left before I could visit so whose fault is that?

That would be my father’s for booking my flight

Well maybe I’ll just come twice in January to get my fill of oxbox since he robbed me of my december visit

Increasing your oxbox appearance just for me? I feel so special!

As you should, that is a lot of effort for me. We will try this twice a month thing in January and see how that goes and maybe make that the new norm

Remember that “awkward filled with desire to suck face” comment from earlier? I think thats what this is… It was very late at night and I am going to assume that he was intoxicated in some way because 1. he never starts the conversation, especially at midnight, and he never speaks this “mushily” (yes, this is about as mushy as the doofus gets).

I really just want it to be January, is that too much to ask for?

Wrong place, wrong time

So this past weekend things with S and I kind of ended. Not completely, and not in a bad way, but we’re just friends now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, he didn’t know what he wanted. Quite frankly neither did I. But I’m glad I confronted him when I did, because who knows how long the both of us would have just floated through doing whatever we were doing. I stood up, I used my voice, and I realized that I don’t have to live in limbo. You’re allowed to ask for answers, even if you don’t like the answer.

You kind of forget how messed up other people are by their pasts, and even if you’ve gotten over yours, not everyone has gotten over theirs. S’s hard times are a little more recent than mine. I’ve had my time to grow and be all I’ve wanted to be for myself. S hasn’t. And I want that for him, because I do care about him even as a friend. We became close over the month that we’ve known each other. Talking every night until we fell asleep. Spending all of our weekends together.

I’ve always said you get to know someone best during your college years because you’re all in such close quarters that you kind of have no choice. But it also opens your mind, reminds you that everyone has a story. Everyone has more than the smile you see on their face as you pass on the street. You don’t know just what someone is going through until you live with them. And for a while thats basically what we were doing.

I’ve always been one to let the universe figure out the big things for me. I can sweat the small stuff, but when it comes to the path I’m supposed to be walking, the universe has always had a way of bringing me right where I needed to be. That sounds cliche, but when I think about everything I have that has made me the happiest in life, those things have kind of just appeared without me ever really trying. So I’m letting the universe take the wheel and figure things out for a bit. And maybe some day at the right place in the right time, it will all work out. Until then? Que sera sera. It is what it is.

Looking in all the wrong places.

 

I’ve always been told, “don’t stay in a relationship unless you are blissfully happy”. Now if I had listened to this, I would have avoided a ton of horrible situations, and wasted far fewer tears. But now I’ve found people who do take this advice, yet the still end up hurt, heartbroken, and crying to me – which I find amusing considering my dreadful relationship track record.

 

 

Within the past month, two of my friends who were in the definition of blissfully happy relationships have had said relationships fall into complete shambles. Fantastic right? I keep trying to search for all of these things to tell them and I’m totally coming up blank every time. What do you tell a person who went from being perfectly happy to a mess of smudged mascara. And somehow, they always come to me for advice. The two-actual-relationship pony with not a clue in the world as to how relationships do or should function. So I started to think, maybe they’re not looking for advice on their relationship with other people, but their relationship with themselves.

 

 

 

Think about it; when you’re young and you start dating for the first time, what is your motive? Is it always because of the other person, their qualities, seeing your entire lives together? Or is it how they make you feel? How you feel from the attention your relationship gets? You feel wanted, desired, and loved when in reality it’s a lot about status. You’re cool if you have a boyfriend, you’re weird if you don’t. Like being single means you have no friends and you’re lonely. I know some people in relationships that are the loneliest people I’ve ever met. I haven’t been in a relationship in two years and I have never felt so loved. Now it makes sense why people come to me. The relationship drama doesn’t stem from the relationship itself, it stems from something completely different.

 

 

Someone once asked me if I was in a relationship and upon my reply of no, they asked if it was a choice or something in the most pitying tone of all time (FYI I have come to adore this person since). First of all, this is an extremely offensive question because it makes it seem like you have to be with someone in order to be…normal. Not just to be someone, but to be average at best.

 

 

Well I’m here to say that I don’t need someone in my life to be above average. I have overcome so many insecurities and obstacles to become the person I am today, and I have never been more confident in who I am. I’ve never had so many friends that care about me so much in my entire life. I’ll admit it, I was weird in high school, and those were the years where I actually had a relationship. I was insecure, I had no self confidence, I was depressed, and lonely no matter what kind of relationship I was in.

So maybe the reason everyone comes to me is because they want this, the life I have. They’re just looking for it in all the wrong places. Confidence does not come from others. It stems from ourselves and the way we look out on life. You are responsible for your own happiness and you have to live with you. So before you go looking to someone else for happiness, try finding it in yourself. You are spectacularly you, flaws, mistakes, and insecurities included, so be wonderfully confident in that.