The view on singles

For years, I head about the bad POV people have on singles once you enter the realm of 20-somethings. There’s the falsely cheerful, “you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man” and the blatantly negative “aww, it’s okay hunny, I’m sure you’ll find someone”. I was blissfully naive to how these kinds of comments make an actual single 20-something feel.

When you’re in high school, people will start coupling off, and sure you’ll feel bummed, but you get over it and move on to the million other issues you face as an awkward teenager. As a 20-something, it seems as if all other aspects of your life are coming together, except one you really cannot control on your own. When no one brings it up, you’re fine with the way your life is. But then someone, or something, brings up the fact that you’re single, and makes it seem as if being single is the worst thing that could possibly be happening to you right now.

Now as a single 20-something, who is very single, with many not so single friends, I take a serious offense to this. I look at the 99.9 % of my friends that are in relationships right now, and at least 99.9% of them seem like some of the unhappiest people on the planet. If I had the option to be in one of their relationships, I would turn it down cold turkey. I don’t know about you, but disfunction is so not my thing.

Then today I come across this article about 12 things about serious relationships that no one tells single people. I sincerely hope that this was some sort of title ploy that people who think they are in serious relationships will end up reading the article so they can finally realize how ridiculous their relationships are.

I went in to reading this article with an open mind, hoping to find some words of wisdom as to why on earth I am still single. At the very least, some new information for the single 20-something. Instead, I got 12 things I found absolutely ridiculous to be telling a single person.

Why? Because WE ALREADY KNOW THESE THINGS. These are the things we have watched our friends do wrong for years. We are the friend that gets ditched for the boyfriend. We’re the ones that have to remind our friends that, “hey, he’s only human, he’s going to talk about how hot Mila Kunis is” (because girl is smokin’). We’re the ones that enforce compromise, allow some bickering, and aren’t afraid to stand up when the relationship is more fighting and less of the good stuff.

Who really needs to  read this is all the people who think their relationship is perfect, then with the onset of a single fight believes the entire world is crumbling down and comes running back to all of the friends they have been ignoring for their significant other. We know all of this, we’ve lived all of this through a non-love-crazy eye.

But maybe this is exactly why we singles are not in these “serious” relationships. Maybe I have some crazy convoluted idea that I’m just waiting around for someone I think is worthy enough to go through all of this for. Maybe I’m waiting until I’m mature enough to handle serious. Maybe I know just how crazy me and my life are, and I’m not sure anyone I have met yet is ready to handle me yet.

Given the option between having one of the “serious” relationships I’ve seen, and living my life as a single, I would choose single any day of the week, and I’m proud of that.

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Plans fail…

At the beginning of this summer, I had all these plans. I had planned on blogging every day. This has obviously not occurred. I planned on tanning every day, or at least soaking up a few rays. It’s rained or been cloudy almost every day. I planned on getting my life together so I could focus on my future. I really need to come to terms with the fact that I will NEVER have my life together no matter how hard I try.

Life is hard, life is crazy. Planning is practically useless.

Lesson to be learned? Live in the moment, and be okay with it. Realize there is nothing wrong with not having a clue what you are doing in anything you pursue, because even those who appear to have it together are faking it. This world is rapidly changing at a crazy pace. Enjoy the ride and just go with it.

Falling to Shit

So as you may or may not know based on previous posts, the past few months have been extremely hard for me, and they have simply just gotten worse over time. It’s fabulous really, to be living a life where things get constantly worse. If you don’t know what I mean, here’s a quick run down:

1. My best friend and roommate went absolutely nuts. She became crazy obsessed over her boyfriend that if you told her you wouldn’t let her see him (whether you be her overall disapproving parents, or friend who feasibly cannot drive you the 6 hours to see him), she actually went ballistic and into full on panic attacks. You would think she’d calm down as he started to show his crazy douche side, but no, she just followed with the crazy and began believing him in that demons overcame him and made him do all of the terrible things he was doing. Sorry, but no… that is not okay.

2. The first person I even remotely believed I might have feelings for for the first time in a long time ended up being as big of an ass as every other idiot I have had any kind of relations with. (He is now looking to get with crazy roommate from #1, quite frankly, I hope they do. They deserve each other.)

3. My grades fell through the shitter because I was dealing with said crazy roommate situation – she had a lovely way of timing her blow ups with my test schedule. Ever stay up until 3am calming someone from a panic attack only to have her scream at you and nearly punch you in the face and then have to take 2 exams in your hardest classes the next day? I did. Not fun. Usually results in an F.

4. I was enrolled in 20 credit hours, had to deal with all of this above nonsense, so I had quite a bit of work piled on. Because I have morals and believe school is highly important, I ended up isolating myself from the majority of my friends. Which sucked because I have no idea whats going on in anyones lives. Nor have I been able to get drunk enough to make the three prior issues go away for at least one night.

5. I worked three jobs. Why? I’m a poor college student who is not in a field of study that remotely relates to the field of work I would like to go into, so I have to find jobs that fill those gaps and pay the bills – because I have those now. Thats 10 office hours a week, plus another 10 on my other job and another 2 at the other (20 credits of classes + 10 at job 1+ 10 at job 2 + 2 more = little time to breathe).

6. Highly unsympathetic parents. My parents have never been the most lovey dovey caring type, but you would think they would loosen up a little with all this crap I had going on. Nope, not at all. In fact they got worse. I maybe spoke to my parents once or twice a week because they’d ask how things were going, I’d be truthful, and then they’d tell me how they didn’t want to hear it. So that was fantastic as well. When I came home, did it get any better? Not. At. All.

7. The idiot who ran into my car. I have been in an accident before, but it was my fault and a short break that caused a little crack in a fender. This was not the worst it could be, but enough to seriously ruin a few peoples cars and days. I have whiplash, which in addition to the issues I already have with my back, just sucks. Ironically I had signed up for a gym member ship for the time in which I’m home. Now I am on bed rest until my muscles stop freaking out. Fantabulous. I also got my first ever speeding ticket, which was totally fun and exciting, especially when you’re freaking out about your 7 trillion assignments and have mental breakdown #3 while he looks up your information. Again, fantabulous.

8. For the first time every my bank account was at a negative balance. There was one point where I had $-2 to my name and an electric bill to pay. Not the greatest feeling in the world. Being a big kid in the real world and having to buy food and pay bills is really not that great.

After my 4th mental breakdown of the semester, I took a stress test. It was some online thing that for whatever reason had passed on my screen multiple times. The line between okay and stressed was 200 points; my score was 400 and I was recommended to see a specialist as my condition could become detrimental to my health (a.k.a I should be on suicide watch).

So yeah, that is the shitty end of my year in a little nut shell. Hopefully 2014 has something a little better in store for me.

Wish me luck.

Looking in all the wrong places.

 

I’ve always been told, “don’t stay in a relationship unless you are blissfully happy”. Now if I had listened to this, I would have avoided a ton of horrible situations, and wasted far fewer tears. But now I’ve found people who do take this advice, yet the still end up hurt, heartbroken, and crying to me – which I find amusing considering my dreadful relationship track record.

 

 

Within the past month, two of my friends who were in the definition of blissfully happy relationships have had said relationships fall into complete shambles. Fantastic right? I keep trying to search for all of these things to tell them and I’m totally coming up blank every time. What do you tell a person who went from being perfectly happy to a mess of smudged mascara. And somehow, they always come to me for advice. The two-actual-relationship pony with not a clue in the world as to how relationships do or should function. So I started to think, maybe they’re not looking for advice on their relationship with other people, but their relationship with themselves.

 

 

 

Think about it; when you’re young and you start dating for the first time, what is your motive? Is it always because of the other person, their qualities, seeing your entire lives together? Or is it how they make you feel? How you feel from the attention your relationship gets? You feel wanted, desired, and loved when in reality it’s a lot about status. You’re cool if you have a boyfriend, you’re weird if you don’t. Like being single means you have no friends and you’re lonely. I know some people in relationships that are the loneliest people I’ve ever met. I haven’t been in a relationship in two years and I have never felt so loved. Now it makes sense why people come to me. The relationship drama doesn’t stem from the relationship itself, it stems from something completely different.

 

 

Someone once asked me if I was in a relationship and upon my reply of no, they asked if it was a choice or something in the most pitying tone of all time (FYI I have come to adore this person since). First of all, this is an extremely offensive question because it makes it seem like you have to be with someone in order to be…normal. Not just to be someone, but to be average at best.

 

 

Well I’m here to say that I don’t need someone in my life to be above average. I have overcome so many insecurities and obstacles to become the person I am today, and I have never been more confident in who I am. I’ve never had so many friends that care about me so much in my entire life. I’ll admit it, I was weird in high school, and those were the years where I actually had a relationship. I was insecure, I had no self confidence, I was depressed, and lonely no matter what kind of relationship I was in.

So maybe the reason everyone comes to me is because they want this, the life I have. They’re just looking for it in all the wrong places. Confidence does not come from others. It stems from ourselves and the way we look out on life. You are responsible for your own happiness and you have to live with you. So before you go looking to someone else for happiness, try finding it in yourself. You are spectacularly you, flaws, mistakes, and insecurities included, so be wonderfully confident in that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Travel Plans: To the Sunshine State!

Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.” 

-Walt Disney

 

 

Today my family and I are headed down to Florida for a fabulous Disney/SeaWorld/Universal vacation. 7 days in the sunshine state. We haven’t been to Disney since ’04, SeaWorld since ’98 (yeah the 90s…) and we’ve never been to Universal, so needless to say my inner child is having a field day. Are we there yet?

Our flight takes off in t-minus 4 hours (Woo!), so I decided to update the blog. It’s been one of my goals to actually maintain a blog for more than a week. In case you were wondering, this isn’t my first. I have some spare time, so here y’all go.

Airport Travel

What to wear:

Comfy chic. You never know who you’ll meet in an airport terminal, and if you happen to travel the way I do, you often encounter many beautiful military men, so it always counts to look your best. I’m not saying travel in a ball gown here, but steer clear of tee shirts, sweatshirts and leggings. If there is one thing I’ve discovered in my mission to revamp my entire closet to become the shabby chic I know I can totally rock, its that there are tons of fashionably comfy clothes out there if you’re willing to look for them. My new found favorite, the granny sweater – at least thats what I call it. Those days from once upon a time ago where we hid those giant sweaters your grandmother used to knit you at the holidays in the bottom of your closet are over. A recent trip to H&M showed me that giant sweaters are a definite in for this coming fall season. I may have bought 3. Don’t tell my credit card. Airports can be cold while your waiting for hours for your flight to get in, so even though its August, I’m rocking a light knit granny sweater with denim shorts from American Eagle (I live in the super stretchies in the summer, so comfy), paired with my Geneva rose gold watch, my new beautiful business bag from Sears – believe it or not – and gold Michael Kors sandals. Sandals are a summer airport essential. You have to take your shoes off to get through security so you need something easy to slip on and off so you don’t hold up traffic (this switches to slip on boots in the fall and winter ladies and gentledudes).

What to eat:

Avoid those airplane snacks, bring something healthy from those little shops they seem to have popping up everywhere. Stick to a small beverage because let’s face it, who wants to use those teeny little airplane bathrooms… eww. If you get kinda airsick from how stuffy those darn planes are, ginger ale or a diet coke clear that right up. A trail mix from the concession, or a granola bar paired with some water or diet coke is probably your best option here loves.

How to pack:

Check your toiletries and gooies. Better to avoid issues with security at all costs. Roll your clothes in your suitcase, you can fit more and they have fewer creases when you take them out! Carry on essentials: one magazine, one book, laptop, phone, chargers, headphones, wallet, and if your touring as I am, your camera. Delta’s phone app boarding passes are the greatest thing ever invented, paired with one of those phone cases with built in card holders for your ID, you’ll fly through security. Make sure your laptop and any toiletries that you absolutely must bring on the plane with you are easily accessible so you’re not fumbling through your bag on the security line.

Considering I’m a student that attends school 500 miles away from home and have racked up quite the amount of frequent flyer miles, I like to consider myself a travel connoisseur.

Safe travels my little tortoises!

Mystique Boutique NYC

Mystique Boutique NYC

A friend showed me this store today and I very quickly fell in love with 90% of the merchandise. My personal favorites from today: this crop top, this gladiator dress, and this dress in my favorite color. All of the clothes are extremely affordable but the accessories can get a little pricy (Bags average $50).

Check it out! I’m officially in love and just spent far more than I probably should have!