Yesterday I told my mom about Nick. It’s kind of good timing because I think we’re both pretty serious about us.
For one, she took it well. I think she was at the point where she was getting worried I’d be single forever. I’m second in line for next to be married on both sides of my family, so that’s cool I guess… No pressure. My mom has literally asked me if I was a lesbian before because I have only had one boyfriend in my 20 years of living. Unfortunately that one boy kind of messed me up for all the other boys that entered my life for a while, but I think I finally got over it all. I don’t know what it was, but last weekend, I think I realized just how different he is.
He bought dinner. We were out, the four of us and I thought it was just as friends. But I guess since he asked me out, that prompts him purchasing food for me – something I’m quite okay with. The last time a guy paid for my meal, I was still in high school. So that was really friggin nice.
Then this weekend, he had the option of staying home with Kelsey’s boyfriend and going out with his friends, and coming out to see me, he picked me. I think he was in a really good mood because he got his own apartment. He was so friggin happy about it. I know he loves his mom, but I think being around his dad really brings him down. For a while I could tell he was kind of slipping. Talking more about needing to get out and what not. I understand. If I had any opportunity to permanently not live at my own house, I would. Hence why I came back after Christmas to my lovely, peaceful apartment – the fact that Nick was here was just a nice bonus.
But things got interesting with that apartment talk. Like, the idea of us living together at some point, or even just for weekends really doesn’t seem all that bad. He has no roommates so that is an incredibly wonderful bonus. And I think I’m really serious here… like I’m okay with commitment serious.
It’s weird, but also not. I’m completely myself when we’re together. He puts up with me being loud and obnoxious. I think he actually finds it funny. We’re absolutely ridiculous together and play like we’re 5 years old – we actually fought today to the point where we fell off my bed – but we’ve had deeper conversations than I’ve ever had with any of my other friends. We’ve been through a lot of the same situations, in different time frames and ways, but still similar, so we kind of get each other in ways others don’t.
Yeah he can be lazy as shit, and he smokes too much, but I really don’t care. I’ve always been fine being “with” guys, as in spending the time between sun down and sun up together doing things that really don’t take a ton of thought. But this… every time Nick talks about the past year, how hard it was for him, how he was in that place that I know all too well, all I want to do is make him not feel like that. Maybe it’s just because I know how it feels to be there. Or maybe its just because I know the happy, kind him that has so much damn potential that he just doesn’t see. I know part of that is the issue because that’s what his dad rips on him for, but I’m sure his dad does it in the same way my loving mother reminds me about my weight. The idea of him being around a lot really doesn’t bother me. He does that thing where I start to get all freaked out and tense, and then it suddenly stops, I don’t feel that way anymore. As someone who is constantly stressed, finding someone who can make you feel that kind of calm is something quite impressive.
…I guess I really like him.