Do you ever see two people walking down the street and think, how on earth are they together? Or everyone knows at least one couple where there is a definite settler and a definite reacher. Then there are just people in general that you are always so surprised to find out that they are a relationship. And of course, after thinking through all of these things, you look back at yourself and think, how am I still single, and these people are not?
I’m a nice person. I’m funny. I’m a highly entertaining person. Why won’t anyone love me!?!?! (I apologize for sounding like a needy, hormonal teenage brat. It’s passed I promise)
But after going through this in my head, I do something like turn around at a supermarket and run straight into a meat cart that I don’t remember being there two minutes ago. It is in these moments when I remember, these are the reasons I’m still single. Because who on the planet wants to voluntarily be attached to a naturally embarrassing person.
In general, we all have our klutzy days, and moments where everyone who knows us seriously questions who we are as human beings. But this is me on an hourly basis. I’m like a little deer that is constantly relearning how to walk, I have the attention span of a squirrel and the speech filter of a drunk Irishman. Needless to say, every day I am amazed that I retain the circle of friends that I do.
But regardless, you’d think someone out there would find this the least bit endearing. Sadly, no. What is endearing apparently are people who have no personality, people who spend their entire lives on Facebook posting depressing song lyrics or cat videos (though I am guilty of a few of those cat videos, they’re irrestable, SAIL!), or the people who look like they got dressed in the dark after eating the entire refrigerator and threw on some clown makeup because its a social construct to place goo all over your face even if it makes you look worse rather than better.
It’s not like I haven’t had the opportunity to be in a relationship, but I refuse to just settle and pair myself with the first thing that shows interest in me. Maybe I’m just picky, or maybe I’m more aware of how people look together. I’ve always been a relatively good judge of character. Perhaps the reason I only seem to “go for” jerks is because quite frankly, I come off as a bitch sometimes. Though who doesn’t? We’re not all saints here.
Even if, bitches go together, weirdos go together. Pretty people with highly unattractive “partners” or kind human beings with conceited assholes DO NOT go together. Yet we see them all the time. I totally understand that opposites attract. But thats science. This is relationships we’re talking about and if there was an actual science to relationships then it would be another class in school we’d all have to take and there would be many less broken hearts or strange couples wandering our planet.