Progress!

So as soon as I made the very lengthy list of books and movies, I immediately began searching my house for books I knew I owned and had never read, but were on the list. Turns out I have quite a few and between Netflix and the local library I can get just about everything else. I have a large pile of books sitting in my room and took a few of the shorter books out from the library this morning to try and read at work.

I’m also in the process of finishing Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan, which is absolutely histerical for any parents, people who know parents, or children who like to laugh at the antics their parents went through to raise them as I do. I got the book at Book Expo America on power reader day where Jim Gaffigan spoke and did a reading. For anyone who doesn’t know what BEA is, picture ComicCon for book nerds. Being a book nerd myself, I had a fabulous time. My mom had picked up this book and I was a little skeptical, especially of the title – I’m not exactly a father being that I am a female and do not have any children that I am aware of. The only other comedic memoir I’ve read was Chelsea Handlers My Horizontal Life which after a while I could no longer bring myself to read strictly for the reason that it began to sound like my own life story, which scared me to death and I promptly returned it to its owner. Since Dad is Fat is in essay format, it’s a great pickup-putdown read (this is my ladylike way of saying bathroom reader). It’s a good laugh, its a light read, and even though I’m only halfway through I highly suggest it to anyone.

What it’s really great for is being able to read a grown up book in between some of the chapters of the dozens of children’s books on Rory’s list. I currently have Bambi ready and waiting for me in my bag. Did anyone else known that Disney took the idea from a rather large children’s chapter book? No? Just me? Well then, shows how much I know.

I’m also in the process of finishing up Picture of Dorian Grey a book I had started based on the recommendation from my friends little sister who shares my affinity for art. If you can’t tell already, I’m a multitasking reader. I like escaping to as many different worlds as possible whenever I feel like it. That’s the beauty of books.

Relationship Limbo

I have been in one actually labeled relationship in my life, and it ended in disaster which is a depressing story for another time. The point is, I’m not an expert on relationships. One night stands, random hookups, and creepy stalker guys? I’m your girl. As for the whole “boyfriend-girlfriend” thing, I don’t have enough experience to put on a social resume (note to self: social resume might make for a highly entertaining post). What I do have enough to fill a resume with is observation of human interaction and interpersonal normal human being relationships.

Recently two friends have breached the “Friend Zone” and entered “Limbo” the land where its not so officially official. I swear this is a real place. I had no idea it existed until these two came into my life. How does this land of WTF come to be? Here it goes:

Once upon a time, there was Mr. and Miss. Smith. They were a part of a group of fabulously classy friends – including yours truely – and all was well and peaceful in the kingdom. Then Mr. Smith started to show some interest in Miss. Smith, and they began secretly canoodling in the darkest hours, telling the people of the kingdom they were working on their studies at two in the morning. Only the people of the kingdom weren’t that stupid, so they began subtly dropping hints to lead both Mr. and Miss. Smith to finally out that they were not studying books at such late hours of the night. But Mr. and Miss. Smith were stubborn, and would not let their not so secret secret out. Eventually, the people of the kingdom were fed up and decided to have separate interventions, one for the ladies, and one for the gentlebros. Eventually, things reached a official status, but only to those that knew the couple personally: friends, family, the people living in the room below. The announcement was not made on social media for all of the lands to hear the good news, because they wanted to keep the affair a private matter. To do this, the couple took their closest friends and family and moved them all to Limbo, where their confusing little relationship could exist in its own twisted ways.

And here we are, Limbo, where this confusing relationship exists. You see this charming tale was only the beginning. Once they became an official couple, which took much more convincing than I let on – but that was the boring, ridiculous, stressful part that I try very hard not to relive – things took stranger and stranger turns. Miss. Smith began frequenting the home of Mr. Smith, working in the kitchen with his mother, and joining them on family outings. Mr. Smith arranged double dates with their direst Sir the Kind and his girlfriend Lady Sorority for Madam Sorority had once mentioned of Miss. Smith being able to join her secret society. There were many societies across the land but Miss. Smith had never joined one, and it was supposed to be too late, so she swooned at the idea of an extra opportunity. This outing unfortunately came after many failed attempts at outtings by Madame and Monsieur. Madame had known Miss. Smith much longer than Lady Sorority, and Madame had spent many more hours helping Miss. Smith to realize she and Mr. Smith should be together, and Madame had supported them throughout the entire rediculous ordeal. But in the eyes of Miss. Smith, Lady Sorority had more to offer with her society and had been deemed cooler than Madame in some unannounced order of the kingdom that no one but Miss. Smith had ever seen. Madame was dissapointed in Miss. Smith’s choosing. She became more and more confused by Miss. Smith’s actions and feelings, especially the ones towards Mr. Smith. The kingdom had it wrong when they believed Miss. Smith had been deflowered by Mr. Smith, and they were no more than simply canoodling and sharing a sleeping chamber. Miss. Smith shared with Madame that she did not like the idea of Mr. Smith deflowering her, not for reasons of moral but because the idea was icky. Miss. Smith had a hard time seeing her and Mr. Smith doing such acts, especially on a regular basis like normal people in normal relationships do. She didn’t know if she could ever picture them doing such things and she missed canoodling with other men of the kingdom.

SCREEEEECHHHHHHH!!!!! Halt! You have come to the end of my rediculous version of this highly rediculous story and now you get to experience my high voltage rampaging of WHAT???

Miss. Smith did not like the idea of Mr. Smith deflowering her? Because the idea was icky? Miss. Smith had a hard time seeing her and Mr. Smith doing such acts, especially on a regular basis and she didn’t know if she could ever picture them doing such things and she missed canoodling with other men??? I’m sorry, but I thought he was your BOYFRIEND. You led him on, you gave him the title, you accept the copious amounts of attention and affection he gives you and you can’t picture yourself ever giving the guy a lay? Being that we’re 20-something, and I know for sure there is no moral reasoning – at least not that is being led on – this little act is kind of a big deal, unless you as partners (because let’s not forget that this is a relationship people) make a decision to do otherwise. But if you don’t ever picture yourself doing this with your boyfriend, or your not even physically attracted to him – and this doesn’t mean looks, one man’s ogre is another man’s princess (how am I doing on all these fairy tales?) – then you should probably get out. Like 3 months ago.

Like I said, I’m not one to speak for the whole boyfriend-girlfriend relationship deal, but here’s what a relationship should be based on the many observations on the many successful relationships I have witnessed around me. Relationships are a balance. A balanced adoration for another human beings between personality, and physical chemistry. If your relationship is solely based on complimentary personalities but no physical attraction, then you should probably label this relationship “friendship”. If your relationship is based purely on physical attraction, then you’re bed buddies – or bathroom, or couch, or back seat of a car buddies, you get my drift. A relationship is not one partner spitting out demands and the other person complying. A relationship is not one person constantly whoring the other for attention and compliments. A relationship is not one person constantly acting as a martyr so that the other can prosper. it is a balance, just like everything in life. If the scales are constantly tipped, then most likely, you are not meant to be in a romantic relationship. End of story. There is literally no way for your relationship to work out. I have never seen it happen before and believe me I have witnessed enough relationships in my own time that I can probably state this as scientific fact (but I’m too lazy to go through all the paperwork).

Regardless, if I weren’t so darn far away from this rediculousness, I’d end it now. Or at least state my very strong opinion in a stern, but even tempered voice to the two that inspired this story. I promise I won’t strangle anyone… yet.

The Gilmore Bucket List

For anyone who doesn’t know (which is basically everyone reading this blog) I am a huge Gilmore Girls fan. Maybe it’s because I’ve known my fair share of Kirks, Babettes and Lukes in my lifetime, or that Rory and Lorelai have the mother-daughter bond I always wanted, or because I quite literally dream of being Lorelai someday (only turn the Inn into a bookstore and have my children long after I’m a teenager – which I have already accomplished thank you very much). Whatever the reason, I was always hooked on the show and I spent all of last summer watching the entire series from beginning to end, which only made me all the more depressed that the show is over for good and I can never look at either of these lovely ladies playing any other roles.

Anyway, to get to the point here: the Gilmore Girls are known for their movie nights and Rory for her nose being in a book when its not watching the silver screen or kissing one of her many fantastic boyfriends throughout the series (Dean, Jess, Logan, if there are real life versions of you out there, please call me – seriously). So I found lists of all of the books and movies mentioned on the series and decided to make it a point in my twenties to read and see all of them. My loving sister has agreed to join me in watching all of the movies (she was never much of a book nerd like I was), and at 2 books a month, I should have the list down in no time!

You can find the full list and follow my progress on the “Gilmore Project” page on the menu. Wish me luck!

Polite Conversation vs. Flirtation: Please, Learn the Difference

I have always been the listener, the inquirer, the interviewer when it comes to meeting new people. I have always loved hearing other peoples stories; learning about how other people live, think, dream. I think its why people think I’m so nice, because rather than talk about myself for hours, I’m genuinely interested in everyone I meet. I don’t think my story is one worth telling. It’s not entertaining, its not pleasant, and its a bit tragic. Theres really not much to tell.

The problem with this is that people begin to think one of two things. 1) You are now best friends, even though you were just being polite, and 2) you’re in love with them. The latter is usually the more likely of the two for the simple reason that I avoid talking to girls because I am not genuinely interested in all of their petty drama. The problem is that you have a bunch of lonely guys that you’re definitely not into in any way shape or form begin to think that you are in love with them and then get this ridiculous idea that they should go after you. This only ends in disaster.

I am a pro at getting myself into these situations. You would think eventually people would get the hint that I’m just not outwardly a bitch to everyone that crosses my path because even though it doesn’t always seem like it, I have manners, like the classy lady that I am. I sincerely hope you caught the sarcasm in that last statement – I am the furthest thing from a classy lady unfortunately, but I am a decent human being. It is easy for these types of boys to think this way because in any other situation, talking to any other girl, they would have been shut down before they even got two words out. Unfortunately I was raised to not discriminate against people, and to treat all people fairly. Therefore, by being nothing but a kind person, I give these lonely boys the notion that I must somehow be into them if I’m talking to them.

No children, no I am not. This is what a decent human being looks like. So please do not insist on texting me every single day, and changing the subject if I do not answer within five minutes, or bring up subjects that would imply that we have any kind of future together. Especially do NOT send me pictures of your adorable puppy because you know all furry creatures are my greatest weakness and expect a response of me awing over the little guy- animals are sacred, especially puppies, and should not be used as conversation bribery, this should be considered animal cruelty.

My ignoring you is not a sign for you to try harder. My one worded replies do not mean I am trying to push the conversation forward. This is my way of letting you down easy without having to tell you you’re pathetic and need to work on your social skills. Chances are you’re old enough to where you should know the basics of human interactions, if you haven’t, pick up a copy of “Social Rules for Dummies” and study it thoroughly. Until then, leave me alone so I don’t have to break up the non existent relationship you think we have and make the situation awkward for everyone involved.

Who’s opinion you care about

1. Yourself: your opinion of yourself, your values, your motivations, what YOU want. Because no matter where you are in life, you will always be with you and have to live with you, everyone else is just a variable.

2. The 5 people you spend the most time with: they may not have known you the longest, but they know you the best. Sometimes they know what you want when you don’t. They’re the closest thing you have to a second self, its often like talking in a mirror. 

3. Your family: you had to come from somewhere and blood gives you an involuntary bond to them and in the eyes of the law you often have to take their opinion into consideration. 

4. That guy you’ve been crushing on forever/your boyfriend/your significant other: they often fit in the #2 category, but if they should ever slip, you should remember that they can easily be cut out of your lives if they no longer deserve a spot just below yourself. 

4. People you see on a daily basis: strictly because they are the ones you have to deal with during the majority of the time you spend not sleeping. This mostly applies to reasons for not dating coworkers, circles of friends, and for avoiding a lifetime of awkward moments.

5. People you could potentially run into: again, for avoiding any kind of awkward situations

6. The world: because you’re a part of it, no matter how small and your decisions could potentially effect others. But in reality, do whatever you feel like because the chances that it’ll be an actual issue are slim to none.